IS MY VEGETARIANISM BOTHERING YOU? -by Siren

Lately, Seven and I have run across quite a bit of ridicule and disdain for our decisions not to consume meat. Both of us have been inspired by events taking place in the past week to write angry, incoherent articles describing our pissed-offedness at the world for not shutting it's fool trap and leaving us alone. Do I lecture people about how a meatless diet greatly decreses chances of a heart attack? Do I tell sob stories about some cows when you're eating steak? NO! So leave me the hell alone and let me not eat what I damned well please.

I've been told that the reason non-vegetarians are so cocky in the presence of vegetarians, is because they feel as though the vegetarians think less of them. This might be true, but not because you're sitting there weilding a hamburger. Only if you wave it in my face and say "MMM! Cow!" do you deserve to be bludgeoned with a hot poker. This type of humor is not funny. One too many times have I had some idiot say to me "hey! Ewe wont some stake?" and laugh his fool head off. I hate to burst all of your incredibly intelligent bubbles, but this type of humor is not funny, nor will it ever be, so please stop trying.

Another thing that irks the hell out of me is when some unintelligent dolt asks "Can you eat fish?" Sure I can eat fish. I can also eat cinderblocks, given that they're ground up for easy chewing. Where do people get this stuff? Do they think I've subscribed to some cult that disallows me to eat fish? I assure you, that if I liked fish, I'd eat it. I was also asked "Why don't you eat seafood?" Aside from the whole thing about how "seafood" tastes like crap, I mentioned that these organisms that you refer to as "seafood" are boiled alive, to which the person I was speaking just shrugged and said "so?" SO? I don't know about you, but I can think of better ways to die than being boiled alive. Sure, they don't have complex brains, but my guess is, that being boiled alive isn't the same as a pleasureable dip in a hot tub, whether your brain is the size of a pea or a slightly flat basketball.

A woman from work once tried to tell me that people who don't eat meat get too many carbohydrates in their diet. She said carbohydrates are bad, and they're found in fruit and vegetables, as well as the obvious foods like pasta or potatoes. As she bit into her double cheeseburger, she explained to me that people who eat only meat lose weight really fast, and she'd apparently based her theory about the healthfulness of meat on this fact. She went on to tell me that my careless diet of fruits and vegetables would kill me, and I should gradually try to work meat back into my diet. The fact that she was completely wrong doesn't even come into play here. She's just a dumb bastard for saying anything to me about it. What business is it of hers if I eat meat, or dustbunnies from under the couch?

Whether I eat meat or not is of no concern to anyone but myself (and possibly the meat industry, which has tapped my phone). If it bothers you to watch me not eat meat, you can face your chair in the opposite direction. Just don't go giving me lameass lectures about my vegetarian lifestyle.