This is a public service announcement directly from the Eville Staff to you: Big League Chew is bad and wrong and under no circumstances should it be chewed by anything or anyone, living or dead, human or otherwise.

I’ll admit, I’ve done some experimenting with it. I was young and needed the money. (No wait... that was something else... Nevermind) Anyway, Big League Chew is horrible. Kids, if you should run across Big League Chew, don’t touch it. Leave it alone and call an adult.

There’s no need to get mixed up with that stuff at any age. And if your parents chew, urge them to quit. Practice ways to say no, and write letters to your congressman.

BIG LEAGUE CHEW: don’t do it!